Remember Mood Rings?  The point of Mood Rings was that anyone looking at your ring should know whether to hug you, or duck and cover.  Despite the years of research and rigorous testing used to develop the mood goo, it failed to save countless husbands who misread the color change to mean “hot, as in amorous” instead of the deadly “hot, because you forgot to take out the garbage”.

 In an effort to lower the statistics on misread mood casualties, my own research indicates that a woman’s choice of clothing can give a much better hint to the man in her life.  As a cautionary note, please understand that there will always be men who will look at their lady, and see the beautiful, desirable woman of their dreams, even when she’s wearing a threadbare chenille bathrobe, hair curlers, and a thick layer of crusty green facial mask.  These men, while rare, deserve to have cookies baked for them and all the sex they can handle…perhaps at the same time.  The rest of the men in the world, however, will take the hint that, if we have made ourselves as unattractive as possible, we are not ready for a romp in the hay.  These are the men we have to work with.  These are the ones who need for us to wear our Mood Clothing.

This is not the place to discuss how to train our male co-workers or fellow students to understand our mood by our choice of clothing.  Instead, we’ll deal with the simpler issue:  our significant others, our boyfriends, our husbands.  This is a simple matter of training a conditioned response.  You’ve heard of Pavlov, who made his poor, long-suffering dogs drool just by ringing the dinner bell.  We need to use exactly the same technique.  On those days when we want attention, we need to signal our man with visual stimuli.  Because we are elegant and sophisticated ladies, we will normally NOT meet him at the door wearing nothing but a six gun and holster, or half a box of Saran Wrap.  Those particular scenarios are effective, but they don’t teach.  Instead, we need to choose our costumes carefully, and consider what we are trying to say with each one. 

Guess Which Mood I'm In?

 Cuddle Mood:  When in the mood for snuggling and that comfortable togetherness that we crave, something stretchy, sexy, but not too revealing would be in order.  A short fleece robe or nightshirt would send the message that we are ready for curling up on the couch with him for an old movie and a bowl of popcorn.  Keep in mind, if that is the message we want to send, we have to model our behavior that way, as well.  This means that every time we wear that particular garment, we must be cuddly and affectionate!  In time, after repeatedly encountering us in this garment with this mood, it will become automatic for him to respond in the way we want him to.

 Playful Mood:  This one is a little easier.  When we’re feeling particularly playful, the easiest way to convey that visually to our partner is with a fun costume.  The cliche’ French Maid or the more risque’ Dominatrix costume have almost become synonymous with playtime in the bedroom.  Consider, though, that each of these sexy costumes also has a mood and way of behavior associated with it.  Perhaps, then, we should look for a costume that fits our mood, or more appropriately, what you’re in the mood FOR.  Consider a fairy costume, for those times when we want to be pursued, hunted and captured.  Just make sure that we leave a trail.  Chocolate works!  Cowgirls, slave girls, even police women can each elicit a particular, unique response.  When we are in a costume, he knows what is expected.

 Goddess Mood:  It is our natural right to be worshipped.  We deserve it.  We know how to make this happen.  It’s innate.  We scorn his attentions.  We allow him to plead for our divine gifts, and finally,  we acquiesce with a dignity and power that will leave him stunned and breathless.  That’s right, girls…we make him beg.  How do we tell him that this is what we expect, nay, demand?  We dress like a goddess.  A toga works, but it’s shapeless and not particularly feminine.  And we goddesses are all about feminine.  These occasions are the times we use lingerie that is intended to be worn for less than time it takes to put them on.  Choose a teddy, babydoll, or gown in white or pastel, that shows off our best features.  We already know which features he prefers.  We must require him to keep his distance until he has pleased us first with his attitude of worship and then with his pleas for our bountiful gifts.  And when we deign to answer his prayers, do so with abandon, as goddesses are wont to do.

 There are countless variations on the ideas that we have explored here.  The key is that we inspire him to respond automatically, without even realizing that we’ve dropped the hint, and we do this with repetition and reinforcement. Honestly, even if it didn’t work, it’s got that bean sprouting experiment beat all to heck, doesn’t it?